I had always defined my life as an adventure, mostly because I never knew quite where the road would take me, but I always knew I'd have fun.
When we think of journey's, we think of Frodo on Lord of the Rings (yes I just outed my geekiness). On journeys there are challenges and things we must overcome to accomplish a goal.
In the movies, that journey leads to the hero saving the world from disaster. In life, it's not quite that simple.
In life, I think the journey is to figure out how to not just survive, but thrive. Figuring out your emotions and ambitions and goals and what it really is you want from life is a journey. Part of the journey is figuring out what you don't want.
With that being said, as part of my journey I'm in a grief support group. Through there I am learning that my grief is my own, my grief is unique to what other people may be feeling because the relationship I had with each person, was my own. I'm learning that I'm not crazy when I wake up every day and obsessively clean or bake.
I'm learning that there is no time limit for how long I may grieve. I have to find my own path.
Some of what I'm grieving for, isn't just the people I lost, but lost dreams and opportunities. I'm grieving for what I knew and what I thought I knew.
During grief group, they told me that while my dreams of traveling are currently on hold, I still need to find a way to make that happen. That I have to remember that I had dreams too.
Next week, Taylor will graduate basic training. I'm traveling with Zachary and the boy's dad to attend that graduation in Georgia. After his graduation, Taylor will travel to his next duty station, where he will be for 19 weeks.
I already know it's going to be hard on me. Last week Taylor called home and I cried and cried. I cried when he asked who was coming to graduation, and it was me his dad and brother. See, at one time me and Uncle Ken had talked about taking the trip together. It will be a bitter sweet week.
This morning I talked to my grandpa. A man whose wisdom I normally trust. I told him the shortened version of the story of my life over the last couple of months. I told him about me taking over the house my uncle left and how I miss working for a paper and writing everyday. Grandpa said. "As long as it felt right at the time."
Grandpa tells me to trust my gut a lot, he doesn't say it in those words exactly, but I know it's what he means. He also gives me directions. Which is grandpa's way of showing love.
Last weekend, I spent time with my brother and sis in law. As my baby brother asked me questions and remembered where the house is that he grew up in and remembered small details like us walking up an alley to a movie rental store, I smiled.
He had some good memories. That makes me feel better and lets me know I wasn't always a rotten big sis. He's just become such a big part of my life.
The day after I get back from Georgia, I planned a girl's baking day for some of my best friends. I told them we need a day where we drink sangria and bake and listen to music and discuss everything in life. I have discovered over the last few months that I need them.
I'm trying to look at the positives these days. Not working at the paper and having a set schedule will allow me to take that graphic art and design class I've wanted to take for the last two years. It will offer me an opportunity to take some more adult education classes and continue learning new things.
I also plan to participate in National Novel Writing Month in November, although right now I'm still trying to figure out what I'll write about. There's also the fact that magazine writing is and has been my favorite type of writing and I'll have more time to do that.
The next time I sit down at this blog, I'll have had an adventure along the journey that is my life. Maybe I'm not trying to save the world, but trying to save myself is just as important.
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