Fake it til you make it

Fake it 'til you make it. I know my uncle once told me that. Fake confidence until you have it, fake a smile until you feel it, fake competency until you're a competent person. Try to blend in a little while making yourself memorable to stick out in a crowd. (OK, maybe some of that is ad libbed)

That's exactly how I feel sometimes when I walk into a room totally unprepared and unknowledgable. Today was one of those days. I had an event to cover, an event about changes to farm bill law that lasted more than two hours. We'll see when it's written if I asked the right questions to fake it well.

Things I covered this week included a World War II veteran receiving the French Legion of Honor(this is a huge deal FYI), county getting a new medical director to oversee county emergency medical services, and a basilica shrine (beautiful Romanesque architecture) that is trying to raise money to add an elevator.

That second one earned me a phone call from the county EMA director to tell me he appreciated the article and it was nicely written.(Ok, so normally I give him a hard time, but this time I actually said thank you.) (Oh, and yes I do have an area behind my desk where I pin various thank yous from people I've written stories about. A girl likes to be remembered that a journalist can impact a life.)

The French Legion of Honor, or Legion d'Honneur is a really big deal for a couple of reasons. It's the highest declaration a person can receive in France. It can only be presented by a person who has already received the declaration. It's the French governments way of saying, they've never forgotten or taken for granted the events of World War II. (Monday was when I covered it and that was obviously before the tragic events in Paris this week, but that's another fifty blog pages. Why can't people actually follow those books they claim to uphold and live peacefully?)

 So, this is the fifth World War II vet I've covered in six months. Each one has been for something different. One of them was because of a chime memorial he had installed into his church as a memorial for his late wife of more than 60 years.

I can't help but love every time I talk to these old gentlemen. That generation just has something other generations are lacking. I think it's called moxie. It was a generation that understood loss, loved deeply, and understood determination. We can learn a lot from them if we listen. There aren't many left to tell us their stories.

The gentleman with the chimes? I asked him his favorite memory of his wife, and he said "I just loved them all." Ladies and gentlemen, that sorta romance may be why I'm single.(Oh yeah, that date didn't work out for those left wondering, I got stood up sorta, he apologized, but we also never rescheduled.)

Oh yeah, on New Year's Eve, I didn't kiss anyone, I stayed sober and pulled a couple silly stunts (there was no alcohol involved in any pole dancing, yes I was fully dressed, and I don't care it was funny) (I refuse to be a boring adult), and hugged my brother and some friends at midnight. My night ended at like 5 a.m. with me and my brother watching a show that of course I had to netflix to watch the rest of (that's the third time he's got me hooked on a show).

I also started to figure out what 2015 is about. I think this year is about continuing to make improvements to myself and not turning down any chances. Improvements to my body, health and mind, the trinity of improvements.

Keep exercising to stay fit (I tried spin last week, and I sorta hate it, but will still go back I'm sure.), read books by very successful people and keep continually learning to do new things (some new classes are in order for this) , those are important. I think it's also important for me to stop saying no so much (this means if I get asked on a date, I'll say yes). Stop finding reasons to keep people out, stop finding reasons something won't work, it's time for some new adventures (Florida, I'm coming for you)

Speaking of adventures,  I've been gathering information about a potentially life changing adventure. I have approximately a year to make a decision and I've talked to the important people in my life about it. Let me start with, none of them are too happy cause it would mean I'd be gone awhile. At the same time, the ones that love me most all said, "Yeah, I can see why you'd want to." A lot can change in a year. Who knows, in 6 months it might be something that's completely off the table. See, life has a funny way of changing when you think you've got it figured out.

I don't remember if I mentioned that my middle son signed up to join the Army in July? I cried when he gave me his leave date, but I know he's doing the right thing for himself. Maybe that's where some of this adventure talk keeps coming from. I've seen like fifty college applications for my youngest son. They're all learning to live their lives, so I have to learn to live mine.

This past month I've tried to make it a point to have at least a couple hours with everyone I love the most, (including my friend Matt and his fiance Dawn, who I hadn't seen in forever but was dying to congratulate them in person)  except for a few  people who I can't seem to get our schedules together.  That's my favorite thing about the holidays, I get to see most of my crazies in a matter of days.

Well, this post wasn't as horribly exciting, but one of my promises to myself was to keep this dang thing updated.

So, cheers to a new year and new adventures.

Even through heartbreak, there's always a reason to smile.

Well October ended with a bang, or more appropriately a lot of jumping around at a Drowning Pool concert with my best friend. (more about that in a minute)

October is always a hard month for me. I was always a girl that loved Halloween, but 17 years ago, my best friend died on Halloween, two weeks after her 18th birthday. It's made the remaining years tough. So, on Halloween, I always try to find something to celebrate. I make a month out of enjoying the scares, and dressing up.

This year's costume is by far my favorite and one I will probably wear a few more times. As a little girl She-ra was my hero. I faithfully watched her and her horse Spirit take on the bad guys. My soul dies a little bit whenever someone asks me who She-ra is.

When my niece (yes, she's my cousin but I say niece because that's the relationship we have) Danny said I had to dress up to take Lyndsey trick or treating, I was a little unsure of myself. The outfit is a little, revealing and I didn't want the other parents staring at me, judging me.

Half way through it, I looked at these girls who I would defend with my life, realized I never want them to be ashamed to be themselves and  said, "Ya know what, at least I have the courage to be a little crazy sometimes." Body shaming, be damned!

I think that defines me some days.

Speaking of the courage to be a little crazy, I've still been hanging out with the brother's friends (I should stop saying my brother's friends, they've become my friends too). They make me laugh hysterically, and teach me to not take myself so seriously. Sometimes though, we get into these deep conversations like "Do you believe in soul mates," or "Do you think it's entirely possible that we're too selfish to love someone 100 percent?"

I don't get deep with many people, but I dig it.

Currently, we're having a debate about whether a dinner I went on last week was a date, or just friends hanging out. Yeah, I'm that dense when it comes to the male intentions. My assumption is that it was friends hanging out, they say no guy is taking a girl to dinner unless it's a date.

I won't mention his name, until I get it figured out, but we went to a dive joint, had burgers and laughed. I think we've talked every day this week, and when he had to cancel a dinner this week, he instead filled my jacket with candy as I took pics of trick or treaters for work. 

I couldn't talk him into going to  Scarey Carey (local haunted house) with me to take pics,  that might be a good thing as the freaky clown had all sorts of fun with me and he assures me that he's a wuss that won't even watch scary movies.

At work we had a little Halloween party. I have missed the comradery of my Lowe's people, but maybe I'm finding a little of it at the paper. It's a process.

I also  covered a story, yesterday, about a boy, he's 19, he's terminal and his school held a special graduation ceremony for him. Afterwards I went up to talk to him, we played arm wrestling and when I went to walk away, he kissed my hand and melted my heart.

I wrote his story through tears, but what I took from him was that no matter what life hands you, there is always a reason to be happy. Sometimes simple things are what's important in life. Also, a little kindness is the most memorable thing in the world.

Remember that 92-year-old veteran that told me "dare, dream, do"? This week, I found out he is also the master of cornhole. So basically, I touched the first cornhole boards. Someone asked me how  I felt, and I said, "Like I am the chosen one baby!"

I guess that ties into this, because as I wrote his story, I sat and listened to the recording of our interview. When I asked how he met his wife he said "I saw her playing in sixth grade and said, 'that's gonna be my girl' and she has been for 71 years." What do you think it takes to love someone like that?

On a serious note, the publisher stopped by to chat this week and asked me what I feel I need to improve on. I think I've improved somewhat, but AP style still freaks me out and throws me for a loop. Whenever I think I have it figured out, I don't. He says I've got the instinct, but AP style is my new nemesis.

I feel like I can write stories that will make you laugh or cry, but when it comes to obits and blotter, I feel like I'm constantly screwing up. Story of my life, the complicated things I seem to be able to handle, and the simple things I struggle with. 

On the kid front, there was an Army recruiter at my house this week. Two of my boys are taking the ASFAB next week. Mom's a little nervous, but they need to leave the nest and pay for college. Especially since now, they're all pushing for me to get a love life. When did my 21-year-old start trying to hand me life advice?

So about that Drowning Pool concert, I had fun and of course worried about Vicki when the strobe lights started. It's that damn nurture thing.

One of the things I told my brother's (and mine, you guys are mine too) friends this week is that, if you put me in a bar, the creepiest guys in the bar will hit on me. Five creeps and one couple (really really was NOT amused at that). Vicki, I love you but laughing at me through that is no help! So guys, here is some advice, don't hit on a girl during a concert. It's loud, I can't hear you anyway, and I paid money to watch the band. Also, if you ask me during a concert what my name is, the answer will be Tiffany.

Next week is election week, so I get to cover my first election stories and then who knows what my week will bring? No matter what my week brings, I'll try to remember, no matter what the heartbreak there is always a reason to smile.

Stay tuned for the next rendition of my crazy life, when maybe I'll figure out if it was a date or dinner, and to see if I ever manage to conquer AP!